literature

Interview with the Zombie

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Literature Text

                      Interview with the Zombie - A Screenplay

Dramatis Personae:

John - An American television reporter
       (ABC, NBC, CBS. I don't care, whoever pays the most for the plug)
Bruce - An Australian
It - A Zombie

       (John arrives at Bruce's house in the North of Queensland)
       (John is wearing typical American tourist clothes, blue jeans, hiking boots and a
        T-shirt)
       (Bruce is wearing standard Aussie garb, kakhi shorts, sturdy hiking boots, a muscle
        T-shirt and zinc oxide sun-block on his nose)

John: (exits the Land Rover with his sound gear and turns it on)
      Hello, you must be Bruce.

Bruce: G'day! And you're John the reporter bloke?

John: Yep, that's me.

Bruce: So where's the camera crew?

John: Just me and this sound recorder today. I normally cover Australian politics; not many
      Americans are interested in what your politicians look like.

Bruce: (mumbling)
       Not many Aussies either.

John: If this story pans out I'll bring a camera crew next time.
      (John and Bruce walking toward the house)
      So, you caught a Zombie?
       
Bruce: Guess so, looks like a Zombie, smells like a Zombie, must be a Zombie.

John: What's it eat?

Bruce: Croc brains.

John: Croc brains?

Bruce: Well, that's what it was eating when I found it so I figured that's what it likes.

John: Where do you get Croc brains?

Bruce: From Crocs, where do you think they come from?

John: What I mean is, how do you get Croc brains?

Bruce: I wrestle them out of the water, knock them in the head and take their brains.

John: Sounds like a tough job.

Bruce: Well, the Crocs don't like it much.

John: Wow, just like Crocodile Dundee.

Bruce: Nah, Paul Hogan's a comedian; nothing funny about wrestling Crocs.

John: So, where is it?

Bruce: Got it out back, tied it to a staked down runner like a dog.

John: What does it do?

Bruce: Shuffles around in a circle, not smart enough to untie itself and get away.

John: Can I see it?

Bruce: Sure thing, lemme grab a brew; you want one?

John: No thanks, too early in the day for me.

       (Bruce returns from the house with a large can of Foster's)

Bruce: It's 'round this way.

       (Both proceed to the back of the house where "it" is shuffling in a circular
       depression worn in the dirt at the end of a rope tied around "it"'s neck)

John: Oh WOW! Will you look at that, it's a real live Zombie...

Bruce: Dead Zombie. Zombies are undead, not alive.

John: What do you call it?

Bruce: "It".

John: Yes, it, what do you call it?

Bruce: I call it, "It". If "It" had a name it doesn't matter much now, does it?

John: I guess not. Does "It" talk?

Bruce: "It"'s never said anything to me. Go ask "It" something.

John: Is it safe to get closer?

Bruce: "It"'s never gone outside that circle.

John: (approaches within 5 feet of the edge of the circle and "It" shuffles around to face
      John and stops) (John holds the microphone out at arms length)
      Hey there! Something you want to tell the American public?

It: (Looks at the microphone)
    Gnar.

Bruce: Get closer, I don't think "It" can see so good.

       (John moves right up to the edge of the circle)

It: (watching the microphone)
    Gnar.

John: (looks closely at the rope around "it"'s neck)
      Funny looking rope.

Bruce: Not a rope, it's a bungie.

        (John turns to face Bruce)

John: It's a WHAT?!?     

It: Gnar?
    (stops looking at the microphone and looks at John)

Bruce: It was handy and I didn't have much time...

        ( "it" lunges out of the circle, grabs John, then both get pulled back inside the
         circle by the bungie)

It: GNARRRRRR!

John: Oh God! Get it off me! Oh God! Oh Go... Gahhhhhhhh...

It: Slurp, slurp...

Bruce: Bugger!

       (takes a long pull on his can of Foster's)

       Hold on a minute....
       That's a fair bit easier than wrestling Crocs;
       where's the phonebook?

       (fade to black)

                                          Fini
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Heylormammy's avatar
:rofl: you are daft my friend ;)